I remember myself standing in front of our television (probably black and white at the time) and looking with keen interest how the small people in there were doing. It was clear that they had a life on their own even though they were much smaller than me. I was most likely four years old during the time of the event. I recall the question inside of me: How is this possible?
During the first school years it became obvious that I am not like everyone else. We are not the same. We are all individuals. We are all different. I was sometimes looking to the eyes of other people and wondering how they think. What is going on in their heads?
By the time I went to gymnasium I had great interest in languages, literature and especially poetry. I had discovered that language is our possibility to meet. Through language we are able to understand and are being understood by the others. But deep and meaningful meetings are rear and need a special skill. I did not possess that skill because my essays at school were never good enough for my teachers.
I was writing a lot despite of it and also reading a book after a book, therefore being somewhat special. No one I knew was a writer nor had I ever had a personal contact to any poets. It was something very distant and needed a great talent. I felt like a hopeless outsider with my deep interest in world of words and thoughts in lines. I was allowed to read at home when I had done all the practical tasks that had to do with our family restaurant or eco farm run mostly by our family members. Reading and writing was not a respectable choice of vocation in my home village. This kind of choice did not even exist.
At some point I stopped reading as well as writing and followed the path what was there in front of me. I had a family and I become a kindergarten teacher. During the studies I established the newsletter for students union and I was publishing some articles in the teacher´s newspaper. Some years later I started my first blog, wrote regular letters to the national educational e-mailing list (being one of the most active women writing). I was publishing more and more. Suddenly I started to meet people who said they had been following my writing for couple of years already, that they feel like they know me and my views.
Since I got so much feedback I was able to experiment much more with my writing and started to develop my own discourse of speaking about education. My aim was to master the language in such a high level that I would be able to invite people to think about topics they had ever thought about before.
And then I switched the language.
I was not able to express myself
I was like the small child again in front of the black and white television looking at people whom I could not understand and I only saw them moving. I was invisible and quiet.
The voice had disappeared
I was alone with a blank white paper in front of me.
And in this silence I create the possibility of meeting you. I make an attempt to express myself. Our meeting becomes possible when I send some words, lines of words, even longer texts online. The fact that you are reading means that I do exist. Somewhere in the world is a person who wrote the lines here. Somewhere in the world are you reading my message. We are meeting just in this second as you read this line.
WE both do exist. Human beings are.
The silence is broken